WASO!!! By Chiedozie Ude

Many a student quaked at the sound of his coming which was always made known by the rhythmic drumming sound he used his firewood like cane to make while walking. He would stroll around the school with an evil glint in his eyes, scanning the environment, squinting his eyes like a one eyed pirate scanning the high seas and horizon for signs of booty. He was always on the prowl, seeking his next victim. He was known and feared by the names he called himself ‘Waso aka MAXIMUM SHISHI’

It was not uncommon for a once noisy classroom to be as quiet as a graveyard anytime word was leaked that Waso was walking by. To summarize it all, we were all terrified of him. He was a nightmare in the day time.

Now, Waso was nothing special in terms of appearance, he was average in height, and his skin shone like well polished black shoes made more conspicuous by the white laboratory overall he always wore. What set him apart from other teachers was the fact that he was a nuclear bomb seeking to explode at the slightest peccadilloes.

There is a long standing myth about teachers deriving joy when flogging students, though most of them debunk this by claiming they do it out of love, and also using the biblical aphorism which states that ‘if your spare the rod, you spoil the child’ to back up their dastardly act. But I can guarantee to you all, WASO loved his cane, he loved the sound of students screaming and promising not to commit whatever crime they committed again, he loved the curve is cane made in the air before landing on the backs of hapless students, and some students even swore in the name of their various deities that they saw WASO smiling while he was giving a boy in JSS1A named Isaiah a wonderful beating for professing his love for a girl in JSS1C named Fisayo (she used to be my crush too).
Isaiah allegedly told Fisayo that he loved her, and Fisayo felt so insulted that she stormed into the staff quarters to sue him to no one else but WASO!!. Serves the bastard right, imagine declaring his love for Fisayo before I did? The flogging he received was well deserved in my opinion.

I have always hated science related subjects, and as fate and ill luck would have it, WASO was our basic technology teacher (in those days we called it intro tech). WASO gave loads of assignments and expected us to not only do them completely but also submit on time. His threats on what he would do to erring students were never taken lightly because we were quite sure that a man whose catchphrase was ‘If I beat you finish, waso!!’ meaning ‘you will fart’ could not make empty threats.

One morning, I finally fell into WASO’s trap. I didn’t complete my assignment and that was all he needed to vent his anger that monday morning. Looking back, I’m sure he woke up on the wrong side of the bed that day. I faced the full wrath of WASO MAXIMUM SHISHI, while trying to keep my cool because Fisayo was watching (I couldn’t cry in front of her). The dreaded WASO scattered my delicate ass, and before he was halfway through beating me, I started bawling and screaming for my mummy, disregarding the now useless fact that Fisayo was watching. Who she even ‘epp’?
After that day, I never left any assignment undone.
The last time I saw WASO, he was struggling to enter a commercial bus (danfo) from Ilasa to Oshodi but a fat woman beat him to the last seat and he ended up sitting on her laps before quickly realising and getting down from the bus like a worm that came in contact with salt. The deed was done, I saw it, so did Chisom and Tobi and we had a good laugh. There was justice after all.

Note: I capitalised WASO cos I still shiver when I hear his name and it means *you go mess*

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