I was just thirteen years old when I fell in love with a boy four or five years older than me.It was the most ecstatic feeling and I still cannot get over it, as they say when a woman falls in love, she can never fall in love again, although I was a teenager then, but I still have vivid memories of that boy and how I felt for him.
I was a smart, bubbly and a cute little teenager, who enjoyed life and was living life to the fullest, when suddenly life changed for me. I had set my eyes on him the first time when he had come to the colony park and he was chatting with his friends. I found him so handsome, his curly , dark brown hair and large dark brown eyes! I was floored! Though now when I look back , I laugh it off as mere infatuation, but I don’t know why I felt an instant connection with him, when he looked into my eyes, my heart fluttered and I used to feel so nervous and excited at the same time.
You won’t believe it, but I never spoke to him, but still I felt a strong connection to him, he was so handsome and so good looking, that whenever I used to look at him I could not stop myself from staring at him and he hardly bothered to even turn around and look at me.For him I was insignificant as I was much smaller than him, therefore he hardly even tried to take any interest in me.Each day when I used to go to the park I used do up my hair differently and wear my best of dresses to look nice lest he spots me there, but everyday he used to be so engrossed in chatting and playing with his friends that he hardly took notice of me.
I was so mad after him that I used to stand in the balcony for hours on end, just to get a glimpse of him and sometimes I used to keep peeping out of the window, so that I could see him playing in the park, but I would spot him only a few times, rest of the times I would just just sadly retreat to my studies or doing some other work.
As days passed things remained the same when slowly and gradually he started noticing that I stare at him all the time, when I am around him, in the park or in any shop nearby. Once I remember I was standing in the neighbourhood Bakery and he suddenly walked in with his friends, probably to buy something. I turned around and as usual started staring at him and he was standing opposite me when suddenly a lot of people came in between us and it was a funny situation and I could see just one half of his face and I caught him staring at me with one eye!I was shocked as it was so sudden and the depth with which he was staring at me cannot be explained in words.There was admiration and tender love in them! I then left the Bakery feeling very shy and till now I cannot forget that look of his in the Bakery.
Another time I felt very shy was when we both passed each other when I was coming back from school.We were walking on the side of the road and he suddenly saw me walking down the road, swaying my bag along my side.He was chatting with his friend and when I passed him, I stopped swaying my bag and I quietly tried to pass him and then he turned around and looked fondly at me! I walked away feeling shy and embarrassed at the same time. Anytime I came in direct contact with him and whenever he looked at me I always felt a soft tenderness in his eyes and the warmth of his heart touched me deep inside.
This boy was very tall and fair and had the loveliest hair and a very smart moustache and whenever I looked at him I went weak in my knees. I used to dream of him being near me and talking to me and we spending time with each other, but I could never muster enough courage to ever stand in front of him and talk to him.I was too small and too naive to even think of it! Things went on in this way for a few months and nothing happened till one fine day when he smiled at me! Just imagine my prince charming smiled at me, finally he took notice of me, and I must tell you, it was the most beautiful smile I had ever seen!
I was coming back from school one evening and he was sitting on his bike and waiting for his friend.He saw me coming and when I passed him he did not do anything, but when I went a little further and turned around as I heard some noise behind me and I looked at him, he smiled at me, I was too shocked to respond in any way.I turned around and went to my home.I did not know what to do ,but I was mesmerised by his first smile.It was so sudden that I was at a loss of words as to what should my next step be,but fate had other plans for me . Just imagine my bad luck, that when I could think of having a relationship with him, as he had finally acknowledged my presence and smiled at me, I had to go, I had to leave the city for good!
My father was transferred to another town and I had to leave the very next day!I had to travel all alone, as my father had arranged for school admissions in that town and so I had to leave.I could have had a beautiful relationship with this boy whose name also I did not know!I don’t know till now whether it was love at first sight with him or was it infatuation, but one thing I must say and that is, that I will never forget him ever and all that I felt for him.Certainly it was my first love, whether it was infatuation or not I don’t know,but it was my first experience of any exposure to the opposite sex and you won’t believe it that I could never like any other person ever in my life after that, other than my husband!
First love is like a fresh blooming flower in the morning sunlight,it is like the first most memorable fragrance you might have smelt in your entire life! It is the most wonderful feeling anyone can ever have and those of you who are reading this story, might feel that I am crazy as I am calling my first crush to be my first love, but only I know how I felt when I was around him and when he looked into my eyes,it was the most ultimate feeling I have ever had in my life.It is unforgettable and I still cherish those tender feelings I had for him!
All of those among who have such first loves or crushes as mine will very well understand what I am talking about and when their love does not reach any culmination then they will also feel the same way that I am feeling.Whenever I feel very lonely and lost I think of him and I ask God that why he did not unite me with him, why am I subjected to such misery of losing my love at such a tender age.Although I am happy in my present life but when I think of him I cannot console myself.
Anyways those are ways of God no one can question them,but again I want to reiterate that that was my first love and I will never forget it ever.