Life was not going as Miranda Allen had thought it should. It had been three long years. Those years involved frequent fighting followed by her husband Adam telling her that she would never amount to anything. Tears often stained her cheeks as she would always look in the mirror at the end of the day and say she was where she was supposed to be. No one had told her otherwise.
Miranda’s world came crashing down when she walked in on her husband and his mistress a few months after leaving her home. Holding back the urge to throttle the both of them, all she could do was stand there. With tears welling up in her eyes once more as they often did, she refused to let them fall. No way was she going to give this man the satisfaction of seeing that. Silence filled the room as all time seemed to just stand still. Even the hands on the clock above the stove didn’t dare move. The last phrase uttered before the click of the door was still ringing in her ears as she stood outside on their porch.
“ You win.” Those two words shattered any thought of the life she had wanted. The kids they planned to raise, the house they planned to build…all gone with those two words. With a heavy sigh Miranda made her way down the steps and into the night , not daring to look back and see if either one had come outside or was looking out the window at her. She decided to walk away with her head held as high as it would go.
If only Miranda could go back in time. Back to the time when she was a young and carefree sixteen year-old. She and Adam met each other when they were still in High School. She was the outgoing girl with brown eyes that always seemed to be smiling. She loved being around people and didn’t mind being the first person to approach someone. If people wanted to find her they just looked for the girl with the long brunette hair that always seemed to be pulled back in a unique hairstyle. One day those brown eyes locked on to a shy boy from across the room. She took in his red curly hair and hazel eyes and fell instantly. She just had to know who this person was. The beginning of their sudden romance was perfect to her. There were love notes back and forth, McDonald’s trips before school and many laughs. Adam treated her as though she were a princess. It never occurred to her that things would change as they got older. She was blinded by the love that he was giving her then and she didn’t want to think that it could stop. Once they were out of High School they planned to get married. Miranda wanted to be his wife and be in his life forever. She didn’t want to think of a time that they weren’t an item.
The wedding came and went and before they knew it, the young couple was out on their own. The real world right in front of them. That was when their love was really tested. Often days were filled with both working and never really seeing each other. She worked at a clothing store and he worked at a machine shop so their schedules never seemed to quite mesh. There were days Miranda wished she didn’t have to work so she could spend more time with him, but that just wasn’t in the cards. Through all that it never seemed like there was anything wrong. Many couples faced those same challenges daily and still held strong so why couldn’t two young people? They loved each other right?
The cracks started to show one day after their third year anniversary. Miranda could feel the tension in that hotel room and just didn’t feel as close as she once did. The still young wife always found herself asking her husband if something was wrong or if he was still happy with her. Always the answer was,
“ Of course I’m fine.” She didn’t want to question it at the times of asking but it was something constantly nagging at her. Was he really happy or did he just feel like he had to say that? He didn’t hold her like he used to that was for sure. And when it came to conversations, they never seemed as deep. She wanted to feel more connected to him and would do anything to make him happy. So in a last ditch effort she agreed with a separation. It tore her heart in half but she felt if this little break would make him feel closer to her in the end then it was worth it. She didn’t want him to feel like he was trapped.
That week of separation seemed to go on forever. Adam was now living with a friend and the only contact Miranda had was a text message here or there. No phone calls and no visiting. How was this supposed to help their marriage. Couples were supposed to be able to talk their problems out and come together, not having yelling matches where doors were slapped and people drove off. She felt like she had failed and the only comfort she had to cling to was that he hadn’t completely moved out. So she fixed her place on the sofa and would lay there night after night not able to sleep and wondered if he was having the same trouble.
Time went by and Miranda got the phone call she had been waiting for.
“ Hey Miranda it’s Adam. I was wondering if you wanted me to come pick you up after work? I have decided it is time to come back home.”
Joy filled Miranda’s heart as he said that last sentence. He wanted to come back home! Of course she agreed and he did in fact come back home to her. You would think that was where it ended. The two would get back together and love would conquer all and they would live happily ever after. It didn’t go that way though. Love is not something that just comes and goes. Once Adam came back things seemed to go okay for awhile. The couple forgave each other and Miranda did every thing she could to make him happy. Maybe that was the problem. She didn’t like confrontations with him and often found herself caving because she didn’t want him leaving again.
If only that had been the only thing she had to do to keep her husband around. Months went by and things seemed to be going a lot better for the Allens. Adam was starting to pay a lot more attention to Miranda and she was loving it. She finally felt like the only woman in his life.
Things didn’t stay that way for long. Before Miranda knew it, the petty fights started up again. The feeling that something wasn’t right was starting to come up in her mind. No matter how hard she tried pushing them away, it seemed to linger.
The snowball affect began a few weeks later. First it was the picture she found hidden in his top drawer. It seemed innocent at first but Miranda felt in her heart it wasn’t. Adam would explain that the pictures were meant for her. She would fly into a rage and rip them up and toss it at him knowing it wasn’t true. He seemed to be pulling away as well physically and emotionally. Often times on her days off he would find an excuse as to why he didn’t want to be at home. He would tell her that he just didn’t feel like being home with her. This ripped at her heart until she couldn’t take it anymore.
She finally got up the nerve to ask him if he still loved her. Looking deep into his hazel eyes , Miranda tried to see the man that she had fallen in love with when they were just teenagers. He no longer seemed to be there. In his place was a man who seemed to have forgotten the life they had, a long with the plans for the future. Miranda tried desperately to find some kind of spark, but the silence told her that it was no where to be found.
“ Listen Miranda, we have had so many issues these past few months, with the fighting and the- the mistrust.. it’s just not working out.” He explained slowly, clearly trying to avoid eye contact.
“ We were working things out though! We decided to try again right? Have you not been trying? I have been doing everything to keep you happy.
“ It takes more than that. We can still be friends but as for this marriage, I’m done. I don’t need all this stress.”
“ THAT IS A BUNCH OF BULL!!! Miranda exploded. She had had enough. She couldn’t hold her anger in anymore.
“ WHO IS SHE???”
“ What are you talking about?”
“ I want to know who it is because clearly you have already moved on…probably even before the separation.”
“ There is no one Miranda. There has just been too much drama for me and I think it is best we go our separate ways.” He tried putting his hand on her shoulder and she violently shook it off.
“ BULL!” She spat again before jumping off the couch and running into the bedroom.
That blowout had happened just a few months ago but to Miranda it seemed like it was just yesterday. The activities that followed that night were a blur though. She ended up moving back in with her parent’s so that she could clear her head. Turns out the temporary break became permanent when she came back to the apartment to find that he refused to move out. She didn’t know what had changed his mind but she didn’t want to fight anymore. Instead she told him that she would be by to pick up her things when she could.
The night she found out about his other woman Miranda had planned on going there to make one last attempt to fix things. Those plans changed when she walked in on the two of them. That was the night she just wanted to leave and not look back. How could he do that? How could he throw away a relationship just like that?
It has now taken Miranda several therapy sessions with her friends and many sleepless nights but she finally started to feel okay. She wasn’t in the best of places but she felt that she could go on with life. This was tested one evening as she and her friends were hanging out at one of their favorite restaurants.
“ So did you hear that Adam is having a kid with that woman he is shacking up with?”
The question came out of nowhere , and as Miranda sat there processing this…she kind of smiled a little bit. The ladies surrounding her all wanted to know what she was thinking….
“ He can’t hurt me anymore. That was the last thing he could do. Now I can’t be hurt by him anymore.”
As the ladies all sat there talking about what the future plans were for the weekend Miranda just kept smiling. She had been through so much and now it seemed as though a large weight had been lifted. She could be released from the arrows that kept being shot at her…one after the other. The fights, the affair, the pregnancy….she could finally see that nothing else could be done by him that would make her unhappy. She finally could move on and be happy.