Category Archives: Gists

A Critical Essay on Condomnairing by Chiedozie Ude.

Condoms, however basic and insignificant they may appear, are highly important when it comes to avoiding pregnancy and other sexual-related infections. Buying and using condoms may be quite tricky due to several factors. It is not uncommon for many a guy who wants to buy condoms to whisper silently to the seller because the buyer does not want other customers in the shop to view him with reproach. Well, if you are scared of buying condoms or you do not know how to properly wear one, this essay is for you.

Firstly, if you are underaged or if you are well known for decency, you might not want to buy condoms from a vendor that is in your area in order not to spoil your reputation. You never know, words may reach your parents or pastor. Now, that will make a juicy scandal. So, the solution to the fear or shame of buying condoms can be solved if you buy it from a place where you are not known. Better still, buy it from an aboki (trust me, these abokis sell everything sellable — that is, they are the true definition of a Jack of all trades) because an aboki will sell to you without asking questions. Do not ask me how I know this.

Having bought the condoms (I used the plural form because I do not think anyone will buy one, and rightly so.), the next issue will be how to keep them away from the wrong eyes. The wrong eyes include: younger siblings (Trust me, your younger ones cannot keep a secret to save their lives.); your parents (especially your mother); and your nosy elderly female neighbours who serve as CCTV for your mother etc. Rest assured that you are safe if you can avoid the set of people mentioned. Being caught by your parents, guardian or mentor is not ideal. Imagine how they will squeeze their faces, expressing their disgust in no uncertain terms, forgetting that they were once teenagers or youth who embarked on a plethora of erotic adventures. Trust me, African parents do not understand the concept of safe sex because total abstinence is their style. Therefore, do not be deceived by thinking they will understand why you keep condoms because they will never even try to understand; so, below are the ways to avoid being caught with the wonderful rubber:
1. Hide the goods in one of the hidden pockets of a standard wallet and never you let your wallet enter the hands of any of those classified as the wrong eyes.
2. Place the goods in an empty Milo container “pangolo” and bury it while facing the west. To be certain that you do it properly, do it while the sun is about to sink into its vest (Permit my floweriness, I mean sunset.). The essence of doing this is because burying a condom is a sacred festival that must be done with a mountain of sacredness.
3. Simply buy the condoms whenever you are about to use them. No need to keep incriminating evidence of your fornicating habit for your beloved and righteous parents to find.

No matter the precautions one may take, one may still be exposed. Little wonder the Pidgin English proverb states thus: “When breeze blow, fowl nyash go open.” Should you ever be caught with the contraband, here is a list of what you should do:
1. Admit to your parents that you are a “fuckaholic” so that they can conduct deliverance service for you. However, if your mother is a Yoruba woman who possesses the immanent or God-given ability to shape destinies with her resounding slaps, you may not apply this method. Do not say I did not warn you.
2. This rule is a tried and tested rule because it works every time. Whenever you are caught, just act casually by saying in an offhand manner that you attended a seminar on sex education and you were given condoms as souvenirs. After you say this, shake your head and say: “Silly me, I forgot to throw that shit out.” Then, you whistle loudly as you go out to discard the material. To appear more real — that is, to make them know it was an honest mistake — take out the trash can and empty it because doing this will remind your parents of how responsible you are. Applying this will save you from answering a lot of questions.

The previous paragraphs have dealt with the issues of buying and hiding condoms, and also the issue of escaping a scolding or a righteous sermon when you are caught with the goods-you-should-not-possess. Having learnt these, the next step will be to guide you on how to properly wear a condom. This stage is the most critical because if it is not done properly, you may end up becoming a father in the next nine months. As a student, you would not want that or would you? So, below are the things that should be done in order to ensure you are not violating the sacrosanct rules of condomnairing:
1. Do not wear the condom on your joystick the way you force your skinny jeans into your yam legs. Doing this may get it broken. Remember, you have to treat a condom with utmost respect and care — the kind of care you will give to a fragile baby.
2. Blow little air into it, place it on your Iroko tree and gently roll it towards your sack of coconuts (Pardon my use of euphemisms, my righteousness does not give room for sexual explicitness.).
3. Rule three is very important because it is where legends stand out. You may know how to wear a condom but are you a condomnairing legend? Read on to find out. Always leave a paragraph at the beginning of your Jack hammer when you put on a condom. This paragraph is important because it is going to store whatever you bring out during copulation. Remember, what separates the best from the rest is simply paragraphing.

In conclusion, you now know where you stand as a guy or where your boyfriends stand for the girls. Some of them are condomnairing legends while the rest need to up their game. Finally, it is believed that the unconventional methods suggested in this article will go a long way in ensuring that boys become legends.

CCTV Repairer Caught His Girlfriend On Camera Making Out with Another Guy In The Cinema [SCREENSHOTS]

A CCTV engineer has revealed via his social media platform that he bumped into a video of his girlfriend being ‘benged’ by another man in a movie cinema.According to the man, he and his team of CCTV engineers were billed to run routine maintenance on the CCTV installed at E-Centre in Victoria Island in Lagos, Nigeria and he got heartbroken after he randomly bumped into a video of his girlfriend being ‘benged’ by another man in the cinema hall.The Nigerian man disclosed that he wanted to have a copy of the recordings as evidence but it goes against work ethics.The heartbroken man took to WhatsApp to gist his friend about the shock he had during the routine maintenance on the CCTV installed at E-Centre in Victoria Island.
Read their chats below:

CCTV repairer caught his girlfriend on camera making out with another guy in the cinema (Screenshots)

CCTV repairer caught his girlfriend on camera making out with another guy in the cinema (Screenshots)

CCTV repairer caught his girlfriend on camera making out with another guy in the cinema (Screenshots)

CCTV repairer caught his girlfriend on camera making out with another guy in the cinema (Screenshots)

Source: browngh.com

A CCTV engineer has revealed via his social media platform that he bumped into a video of his girlfriend being ‘benged’ by another man in a movie cinema.According to the man, he and his team of CCTV engineers were billed to run routine maintenance on the CCTV installed at E-Centre in Victoria Island in Lagos, Nigeria and he got heartbroken after he randomly bumped into a video of his girlfriend being ‘benged’ by another man in the cinema hall.The Nigerian man disclosed that he wanted to have a copy of the recordings as evidence but it goes against work ethics.The heartbroken man took to WhatsApp to gist his friend about the shock he had during the routine maintenance on the CCTV installed at E-Centre in Victoria Island.
Read their chats below:

CCTV repairer caught his girlfriend on camera making out with another guy in the cinema (Screenshots)

CCTV repairer caught his girlfriend on camera making out with another guy in the cinema (Screenshots)

CCTV repairer caught his girlfriend on camera making out with another guy in the cinema (Screenshots)

CCTV repairer caught his girlfriend on camera making out with another guy in the cinema (Screenshots)

Source: browngh.com

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Mother visits her daughter for omugwo, gets pregnant for her son-in-law

A mother who went to do Omugwo for her daughter has allegedly gotten pregnant for her son-in-law (her daughter’s husband).

Social media user, Uncle Chike shared the story on his page where he revealed the mother who is 57 year old has fallen pregnant for her son-in-law who just welcomed a child with her daughter.

Mother visits her daughter for omugwo, gets pregnant for her son-in-law

He wrote;

Man …fear PH women. How can you go for Omugwo and get pregnant for your son in-law? How? Why is a 57yr old woman pregnant for her son in-law? What sort of “end of the world” nonsense is this?

Source: Lailasnews.com

Rape in high places. “I have always admired her, ” says suspect. Gbamlog.com

A 27years old Nigerian young man, Adam Kunle, of Makogi area of Ibafo, Ogun State, has given insight into why he sneaked into the home of a 38 – year old woman by noon and allegedly raped her while she was observing siesta.Kunle who lived in the same neighbourhood with the victim said he admired the woman and had been making advances to her for quite some time without success as she kept rejecting his offer.He added that as the undying admiration persisted, he took advantage of the lady when she was alone at home on Monday, November 4, and had his way with her sexually.According to THE NATION, The suspect made this known to the Police during interrogation when he was arrested last Monday following complaints by the victim; who reported the incident at the Ibafo Police Station.The Police Public Relations Officer, Abimbola Oyeyemi, who disclosed this in a release, stated that the Divisional Crime Officer, Ibafo Police Station, Akindele Adrew led detectives to arrest the suspect, stressing that the victim had been taken to the hospital for medical attention and report.The suspect, Abimbola; a Deputy Superintendent of Police(DSP), added, would be transferred to the Anti-human trafficking and child labour unit of the State criminal investigation and intelligence department for further investigation and prosecution.

A 27years old Nigerian young man, Adam Kunle, of Makogi area of Ibafo, Ogun State, has given insight into why he sneaked into the home of a 38 – year old woman by noon and allegedly raped her while she was observing siesta.Kunle who lived in the same neighbourhood with the victim said he admired the woman and had been making advances to her for quite some time without success as she kept rejecting his offer.He added that as the undying admiration persisted, he took advantage of the lady when she was alone at home on Monday, November 4, and had his way with her sexually.According to THE NATION, The suspect made this known to the Police during interrogation when he was arrested last Monday following complaints by the victim; who reported the incident at the Ibafo Police Station.The Police Public Relations Officer, Abimbola Oyeyemi, who disclosed this in a release, stated that the Divisional Crime Officer, Ibafo Police Station, Akindele Adrew led detectives to arrest the suspect, stressing that the victim had been taken to the hospital for medical attention and report.The suspect, Abimbola; a Deputy Superintendent of Police(DSP), added, would be transferred to the Anti-human trafficking and child labour unit of the State criminal investigation and intelligence department for further investigation and prosecution.

Source: mcebisco.com

My Pu$$y will not rest until I Buy iPhone 11

iPhone Slay Queen
It is still interesting to see how people crave for iPhones especially the latest iPhones when they are put in the market.Many women will do anything for an iPhone to the extent that some will let men sleep with them in exchange for the Apple product.Since the outdoor of the latest iPhone 11 Max Pro, several celebrities including Sandra Ankobiah, Tonto Dikeh and others have flaunted their latest mobile device on social media.Tonto Dikeh who purchased 3 pieces of the brand new series of iPhone 11 Max Pro has advised women not to sleep with numerous men just to be able to purchase the fone which cost about $1000.00.A Ghanaian slay queen has turned deaf ears to Tonto Dikeh’s advice as she had vowed not to rest until she owns an iPhone 11 Max Pro.This slay queen whose name is yet to be identified made this pronouncement on social media shared by Hiplife founder Reggie Rockstone.In the said post which she added her photo, the lady posted her photo and her caption hinted she’s ready to allow men to have their way with her so she could get money to purchase the phone.See the screenshot below

Source: browngh.com

Everywhere Konji!!! 85-Year-Old Woman Caught In A Group SXX With 5 Men. GBAMLOG.COM

85-Year-Old Woman Caught In A Group SXX With 5 Men

An 85-yr-old woman has been arrested after she was caught having group sxx in woodland in Connecticut, the United States in the penultimate week.

On Aug 9, concerned citizens called the police to report a public hook-up happening in the wooded area. The octogenarian was spotted with 5 elderly men including her husband having an orgy.

Image result for 85-Year-Old Woman Caught Having Sex With Five Men, Including Her Husband

All six were apprehended and charged with breach of peace.

The senior citizens are identified as Joyce Butler, 85 – the only woman participating in the orgy – her husband Richard Butler, 82; Daniel Dobbins, 67; Otto D. Williams, 62; Charles L. Ardito, 75; and John Linartz, 62.

Image result for 85 year old woman

According to the Fairfield Police Department, the senior citizens were busted while getting hot and heavy at the Grace Richardson

The Scene of the group sex; and four of the culprits.

Conservation Area during a surveillance operation on public hook-ups in the area. Two of the suspects, Daniel Dobbins and John Linartz have additionally been charged with public indecency.

Dobbins was previously charged with second-degree breach of peace by Connecticut police after witnesses said they spotted him walking around a park naked before police found him inside his car “with his shirt and shorts draped over him and no underclothes.”

The culprits have been released and will appear in court at a later date.

Leave your comments below…

Source: dailyadvent

“Man Find Out All His 5 Kids Are Not His, 2 Are From His Family Doctor” – Apostle Suleman Reveals. GBAMLOG.COM

Apostle Johnson Suleman on his Twitter handle asks for people’s opinion as he tells the story of a man who recently realised that his two sons were not his biological children.

According to the popular cleric tweet which reads “A man suddenly found out his 5 kids are not entirely his…. 2 are from his family doctor who has been secretly having affair with his wife…he wants to divorce and send the kids away. thou he’s grown to love them so much… What do you think?…”

Apst Johnson Suleman

@APOSTLESULEMAN
A man suddenly found out his 5kids are not entirely his…2 are from his family doctor who has been secretly having affair with his wife..he wants a divorce and send the kids(9/11) away.tho he has grown to love them so much….WHAT DO YOU THINK?..
1,657
2:28 PM – Aug 14, 2019
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1,867 people are talking about this

See reactions from Nigerians below;

Apst Johnson Suleman

· Aug 14, 2019
A man suddenly found out his 5kids are not entirely his…2 are from his family doctor who has been secretly having affair with his wife..he wants a divorce and send the kids(9/11) away.tho he has grown to love them so much….WHAT DO YOU THINK?..

Asiegbu Precious
@Itzpreshkeyz
First of all, the Bible doesn’t support divorce so that’s not an option for. The man. Secondly, the children have frown to know and love him as a father and I’m sure the man also loves them as his children, so I’ll advise he holds unto them and keep being that father figure.
3
8:53 AM – Aug 15, 2019
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Apst Johnson Suleman

· Aug 14, 2019
A man suddenly found out his 5kids are not entirely his…2 are from his family doctor who has been secretly having affair with his wife..he wants a divorce and send the kids(9/11) away.tho he has grown to love them so much….WHAT DO YOU THINK?..

kobiechie
@kobiechie1
He should keep them as his kids… The father love is there.. Being a father is not about the bloodline but the love shown toward a child
95
2:30 PM – Aug 14, 2019
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Apst Johnson Suleman

· Aug 14, 2019
A man suddenly found out his 5kids are not entirely his…2 are from his family doctor who has been secretly having affair with his wife..he wants a divorce and send the kids(9/11) away.tho he has grown to love them so much….WHAT DO YOU THINK?..

Remi Ibinola RIO
@reminola
He should humble himself and find out where he went wrong.
162
6:57 PM – Aug 14, 2019
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41 people are talking about this

Apst Johnson Suleman

· Aug 14, 2019
A man suddenly found out his 5kids are not entirely his…2 are from his family doctor who has been secretly having affair with his wife..he wants a divorce and send the kids(9/11) away.tho he has grown to love them so much….WHAT DO YOU THINK?..

Mutinta
@Mutinta59404658
Raising kids doesn’t mean they have to be yours,if he has grown to love them he can aswel decide to keep them it isn’t their fault at all,concerning the marriage!!!God hates divorce yes,but the decision is entirely up to him whether to keep his marriage or send her away
4
2:32 PM – Aug 14, 2019
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Apst Johnson Suleman

· Aug 14, 2019
A man suddenly found out his 5kids are not entirely his…2 are from his family doctor who has been secretly having affair with his wife..he wants a divorce and send the kids(9/11) away.tho he has grown to love them so much….WHAT DO YOU THINK?..

Jackson Rossett@ AfricanTrumpfan
@RossettJackson
I’ll visit a custody lawyer to find out what I can do to keep the kids. With all the love shared… it will be extremely difficult to let go. how do I live without them, where do I start from. I rather bear the pain and fight for ways to keep this children.
3
2:52 PM – Aug 14, 2019
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Apst Johnson Suleman

· Aug 14, 2019
A man suddenly found out his 5kids are not entirely his…2 are from his family doctor who has been secretly having affair with his wife..he wants a divorce and send the kids(9/11) away.tho he has grown to love them so much….WHAT DO YOU THINK?..

Donald Doo
@RealDonaldDoo
Being a father is not only about those who biologically yours, Sir, a lot of times people have grown to love and call people father or mother when they didn’t give birth to them.
God has blessed him with children, let him keep them.
92
2:41 PM – Aug 14, 2019
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16 people are talking about this

Apst Johnson Suleman

· Aug 14, 2019
A man suddenly found out his 5kids are not entirely his…2 are from his family doctor who has been secretly having affair with his wife..he wants a divorce and send the kids(9/11) away.tho he has grown to love them so much….WHAT DO YOU THINK?..

Idahosa Omoregie
@__King_David
First thing first , he should ask the holy spirit for help . if he still loves the wife he can keep her because at least three kids are still his, for the other that are not his should know their father but if he wants to keep them he should get a legal claim for them by a lawyer
15
2:39 PM – Aug 14, 2019
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Marriage is an agreement between two people who have found love in each other and has decided to commit their relationship from just dating or courting, to tying the knot in a together forever journey.

To breach the contract of the agreement as far as marriage is concerned is to defile the bed by involving in adultery.

Hence, the action of the wife and the doctor is a total act of treachery, betraying the trust of the man and making him love and raise the children of another man, not just anyone but his family doctor, it is indeed heartbreaking.

With various suggestion coming from Nigerians on what the man should do, what do you suggest the man should and likewise what should be done to the woman?

Lets’s hear your opinion in the comments section below and don’t forget to like and share.

Source: dailyadvent.