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A Critical Essay on Condomnairing by Chiedozie Ude.

Condoms, however basic and insignificant they may appear, are highly important when it comes to avoiding pregnancy and other sexual-related infections. Buying and using condoms may be quite tricky due to several factors. It is not uncommon for many a guy who wants to buy condoms to whisper silently to the seller because the buyer does not want other customers in the shop to view him with reproach. Well, if you are scared of buying condoms or you do not know how to properly wear one, this essay is for you.

Firstly, if you are underaged or if you are well known for decency, you might not want to buy condoms from a vendor that is in your area in order not to spoil your reputation. You never know, words may reach your parents or pastor. Now, that will make a juicy scandal. So, the solution to the fear or shame of buying condoms can be solved if you buy it from a place where you are not known. Better still, buy it from an aboki (trust me, these abokis sell everything sellable — that is, they are the true definition of a Jack of all trades) because an aboki will sell to you without asking questions. Do not ask me how I know this.

Having bought the condoms (I used the plural form because I do not think anyone will buy one, and rightly so.), the next issue will be how to keep them away from the wrong eyes. The wrong eyes include: younger siblings (Trust me, your younger ones cannot keep a secret to save their lives.); your parents (especially your mother); and your nosy elderly female neighbours who serve as CCTV for your mother etc. Rest assured that you are safe if you can avoid the set of people mentioned. Being caught by your parents, guardian or mentor is not ideal. Imagine how they will squeeze their faces, expressing their disgust in no uncertain terms, forgetting that they were once teenagers or youth who embarked on a plethora of erotic adventures. Trust me, African parents do not understand the concept of safe sex because total abstinence is their style. Therefore, do not be deceived by thinking they will understand why you keep condoms because they will never even try to understand; so, below are the ways to avoid being caught with the wonderful rubber:
1. Hide the goods in one of the hidden pockets of a standard wallet and never you let your wallet enter the hands of any of those classified as the wrong eyes.
2. Place the goods in an empty Milo container “pangolo” and bury it while facing the west. To be certain that you do it properly, do it while the sun is about to sink into its vest (Permit my floweriness, I mean sunset.). The essence of doing this is because burying a condom is a sacred festival that must be done with a mountain of sacredness.
3. Simply buy the condoms whenever you are about to use them. No need to keep incriminating evidence of your fornicating habit for your beloved and righteous parents to find.

No matter the precautions one may take, one may still be exposed. Little wonder the Pidgin English proverb states thus: “When breeze blow, fowl nyash go open.” Should you ever be caught with the contraband, here is a list of what you should do:
1. Admit to your parents that you are a “fuckaholic” so that they can conduct deliverance service for you. However, if your mother is a Yoruba woman who possesses the immanent or God-given ability to shape destinies with her resounding slaps, you may not apply this method. Do not say I did not warn you.
2. This rule is a tried and tested rule because it works every time. Whenever you are caught, just act casually by saying in an offhand manner that you attended a seminar on sex education and you were given condoms as souvenirs. After you say this, shake your head and say: “Silly me, I forgot to throw that shit out.” Then, you whistle loudly as you go out to discard the material. To appear more real — that is, to make them know it was an honest mistake — take out the trash can and empty it because doing this will remind your parents of how responsible you are. Applying this will save you from answering a lot of questions.

The previous paragraphs have dealt with the issues of buying and hiding condoms, and also the issue of escaping a scolding or a righteous sermon when you are caught with the goods-you-should-not-possess. Having learnt these, the next step will be to guide you on how to properly wear a condom. This stage is the most critical because if it is not done properly, you may end up becoming a father in the next nine months. As a student, you would not want that or would you? So, below are the things that should be done in order to ensure you are not violating the sacrosanct rules of condomnairing:
1. Do not wear the condom on your joystick the way you force your skinny jeans into your yam legs. Doing this may get it broken. Remember, you have to treat a condom with utmost respect and care — the kind of care you will give to a fragile baby.
2. Blow little air into it, place it on your Iroko tree and gently roll it towards your sack of coconuts (Pardon my use of euphemisms, my righteousness does not give room for sexual explicitness.).
3. Rule three is very important because it is where legends stand out. You may know how to wear a condom but are you a condomnairing legend? Read on to find out. Always leave a paragraph at the beginning of your Jack hammer when you put on a condom. This paragraph is important because it is going to store whatever you bring out during copulation. Remember, what separates the best from the rest is simply paragraphing.

In conclusion, you now know where you stand as a guy or where your boyfriends stand for the girls. Some of them are condomnairing legends while the rest need to up their game. Finally, it is believed that the unconventional methods suggested in this article will go a long way in ensuring that boys become legends.

13 year-old ‘pregnant girl kills herself after being gang r.a.p.e.d by up to six men’

13 year-old ‘pregnant girl kills herself after being gang r.a.p.e.d by up to six men’
A pregnant 13-year-old girl killed herself after being gang r.a.p.e.d by up to six men and held captive in a flat, it has been claimed.The teenager is alleged to have snapped a photo showing her legs dangling from a roof and sent it to a friend with a message saying: “I’m about to go, I love you.”The girl also wrote a series of Facebook posts reading “I’m about to go” and “If I wasn’t pregnant, I would have gone a long time ago”, it was reported.Her mother, who reported the alleged attack to police in Bangkok, Thailand, said it had sent her into a deep depression before she died by suicide last Friday.
The girl, identified publicly only by her nickname, Pinkie, jumped to her death from a block of flats just before midnight, Thai media reported.Her mum had told police that a gang of men had held her daughter captive and r.a.p.e.d her on the night of November 11, Coconuts Bangkok reported.Police told the news website they had identified two suspects, but reports claimed up to six men were involved in the attack.Royal Thai Police said they had arrested one man on an unrelated gun offence during a raid on his home.Officers were searching for a second man.Spokesman Krissana Pattanacharoen said: “Both suspects face charges for collaborating to sexually abuse the girl.

13 year-old ‘pregnant girl kills herself after being gang r.a.p.e.d by up to six men’
A pregnant 13-year-old girl killed herself after being gang r.a.p.e.d by up to six men and held captive in a flat, it has been claimed.The teenager is alleged to have snapped a photo showing her legs dangling from a roof and sent it to a friend with a message saying: “I’m about to go, I love you.”The girl also wrote a series of Facebook posts reading “I’m about to go” and “If I wasn’t pregnant, I would have gone a long time ago”, it was reported.Her mother, who reported the alleged attack to police in Bangkok, Thailand, said it had sent her into a deep depression before she died by suicide last Friday.
The girl, identified publicly only by her nickname, Pinkie, jumped to her death from a block of flats just before midnight, Thai media reported.Her mum had told police that a gang of men had held her daughter captive and r.a.p.e.d her on the night of November 11, Coconuts Bangkok reported.Police told the news website they had identified two suspects, but reports claimed up to six men were involved in the attack.Royal Thai Police said they had arrested one man on an unrelated gun offence during a raid on his home.Officers were searching for a second man.Spokesman Krissana Pattanacharoen said: “Both suspects face charges for collaborating to sexually abuse the girl.
Source: ladunliadinews.com

CALL FOR VOLUNTEERS!!!

Dear Esteemed Readers,
LITC — LOVE IS THE CURE — is hosting its second charity outreach on the 27th of December, 2019. So, you all are cordially invited to take part in it. Assist us in any way you can. We receive donations in form of cash, clothes, food items and toys. Join us today, as we spread the love during this period.

For more information on this, text or call the following numbers:

1. Chiedozie Ude *09090953414*
2. Chidinma Okonkwo *08180073734*
3. Afolabi Shobowale *08183848314*
4. Ekene Muolokwu *08127866274*
5. Andre Orji *08105463252*
6. Tochukwu Okoronkwo *08145697832*

CCTV Repairer Caught His Girlfriend On Camera Making Out with Another Guy In The Cinema [SCREENSHOTS]

A CCTV engineer has revealed via his social media platform that he bumped into a video of his girlfriend being ‘benged’ by another man in a movie cinema.According to the man, he and his team of CCTV engineers were billed to run routine maintenance on the CCTV installed at E-Centre in Victoria Island in Lagos, Nigeria and he got heartbroken after he randomly bumped into a video of his girlfriend being ‘benged’ by another man in the cinema hall.The Nigerian man disclosed that he wanted to have a copy of the recordings as evidence but it goes against work ethics.The heartbroken man took to WhatsApp to gist his friend about the shock he had during the routine maintenance on the CCTV installed at E-Centre in Victoria Island.
Read their chats below:

CCTV repairer caught his girlfriend on camera making out with another guy in the cinema (Screenshots)

CCTV repairer caught his girlfriend on camera making out with another guy in the cinema (Screenshots)

CCTV repairer caught his girlfriend on camera making out with another guy in the cinema (Screenshots)

CCTV repairer caught his girlfriend on camera making out with another guy in the cinema (Screenshots)

Source: browngh.com

A CCTV engineer has revealed via his social media platform that he bumped into a video of his girlfriend being ‘benged’ by another man in a movie cinema.According to the man, he and his team of CCTV engineers were billed to run routine maintenance on the CCTV installed at E-Centre in Victoria Island in Lagos, Nigeria and he got heartbroken after he randomly bumped into a video of his girlfriend being ‘benged’ by another man in the cinema hall.The Nigerian man disclosed that he wanted to have a copy of the recordings as evidence but it goes against work ethics.The heartbroken man took to WhatsApp to gist his friend about the shock he had during the routine maintenance on the CCTV installed at E-Centre in Victoria Island.
Read their chats below:

CCTV repairer caught his girlfriend on camera making out with another guy in the cinema (Screenshots)

CCTV repairer caught his girlfriend on camera making out with another guy in the cinema (Screenshots)

CCTV repairer caught his girlfriend on camera making out with another guy in the cinema (Screenshots)

CCTV repairer caught his girlfriend on camera making out with another guy in the cinema (Screenshots)

Source: browngh.com

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Why Saudi Arabia Is Set To Execute 23 Nigerians (Full List) GBAMLOG.COM

Saudi Arabia

The Saudi Arabia Government has announced that 23 Nigerians are on death roll over drug-related offences.

The Saudi Government made this known in a statement on Saturday.

Naija News understands that the suspects were arrested between 2016 and 2017 at King Abdul-Aziz International Airport, Jeddah, and Prince Muhammad Bin Abdu-Aziz International Airport, Madinah.

The suspects were said to have concealed the narcotic substance in their rectum.

The offence which is punishable by death contravenes Saudi Arabia’s narcotic and psychotropic substances rules.

The latest case is coming a few weeks after Saudi authorities executed Kudirat Afolabi for drug trafficking and Saheed Sobade, another Nigerian, reportedly nabbed with 1,183 grams of cocaine in Jeddah.

See their names below:

Adeniyi Adebayo Zikri

Tunde Ibrahim

Jimoh Idhola Lawal

Lolo Babatunde

Sulaiman Tunde

Idris Adewuumi Adepoju

Abdul Raimi Awela Ajibola

Yusuf Makeen Ajiboye

Adam Idris Abubakar

Saka Zakaria

Biola Lawal

Isa Abubakar Adam

Ibrahim Chiroma

Hafis Amosu

Aliu Muhammad

Funmilayo Omoyemi Bishi

Mistura Yekini

Amina Ajoke Alobi

Kuburat Ibrahim

Alaja Olufunke Alalaoe Abdulqadir

Fawsat Balagun Alabi

Aisha Muhammad Amira

Adebayo Zakariya.

Source: naijanews.com

Why Saudi Arabia Is Set To Execute 23 Nigerians (Full List) GBAMLOG.COM

Saudi Arabia

The Saudi Arabia Government has announced that 23 Nigerians are on death roll over drug-related offences.

The Saudi Government made this known in a statement on Saturday.

Naija News understands that the suspects were arrested between 2016 and 2017 at King Abdul-Aziz International Airport, Jeddah, and Prince Muhammad Bin Abdu-Aziz International Airport, Madinah.

The suspects were said to have concealed the narcotic substance in their rectum.

The offence which is punishable by death contravenes Saudi Arabia’s narcotic and psychotropic substances rules.

The latest case is coming a few weeks after Saudi authorities executed Kudirat Afolabi for drug trafficking and Saheed Sobade, another Nigerian, reportedly nabbed with 1,183 grams of cocaine in Jeddah.

See their names below:

Adeniyi Adebayo Zikri

Tunde Ibrahim

Jimoh Idhola Lawal

Lolo Babatunde

Sulaiman Tunde

Idris Adewuumi Adepoju

Abdul Raimi Awela Ajibola

Yusuf Makeen Ajiboye

Adam Idris Abubakar

Saka Zakaria

Biola Lawal

Isa Abubakar Adam

Ibrahim Chiroma

Hafis Amosu

Aliu Muhammad

Funmilayo Omoyemi Bishi

Mistura Yekini

Amina Ajoke Alobi

Kuburat Ibrahim

Alaja Olufunke Alalaoe Abdulqadir

Fawsat Balagun Alabi

Aisha Muhammad Amira

Adebayo Zakariya.

Source: naijanews.com

Why Saudi Arabia Is Set To Execute 23 Nigerians (Full List) GBAMLOG.COM

Saudi Arabia

The Saudi Arabia Government has announced that 23 Nigerians are on death roll over drug-related offences.

The Saudi Government made this known in a statement on Saturday.

Naija News understands that the suspects were arrested between 2016 and 2017 at King Abdul-Aziz International Airport, Jeddah, and Prince Muhammad Bin Abdu-Aziz International Airport, Madinah.

The suspects were said to have concealed the narcotic substance in their rectum.

The offence which is punishable by death contravenes Saudi Arabia’s narcotic and psychotropic substances rules.

The latest case is coming a few weeks after Saudi authorities executed Kudirat Afolabi for drug trafficking and Saheed Sobade, another Nigerian, reportedly nabbed with 1,183 grams of cocaine in Jeddah.

See their names below:

Adeniyi Adebayo Zikri

Tunde Ibrahim

Jimoh Idhola Lawal

Lolo Babatunde

Sulaiman Tunde

Idris Adewuumi Adepoju

Abdul Raimi Awela Ajibola

Yusuf Makeen Ajiboye

Adam Idris Abubakar

Saka Zakaria

Biola Lawal

Isa Abubakar Adam

Ibrahim Chiroma

Hafis Amosu

Aliu Muhammad

Funmilayo Omoyemi Bishi

Mistura Yekini

Amina Ajoke Alobi

Kuburat Ibrahim

Alaja Olufunke Alalaoe Abdulqadir

Fawsat Balagun Alabi

Aisha Muhammad Amira

Adebayo Zakariya.

Source: naijanews.com

Man defiles girl after digging hole into bedroom

Kagaa village in Ol Kalou, Nyandarua County is in shock after a Class Eight pupil was defiled by a man who allegedly dug a hole into the room she was sleeping in last night.

The girl has since been admitted to hospital in critical condition.
Nyandarua county commissioner Boaz Cherutich who confirmed the incident said that girl’s mother woke up from her bedroom after she heard a commotion from the girl’s bedroom.

It was then that she found a man who immediately fled from the room.

“This is a very bizarre incident as the man had dug a tunnel to access the room late into the night. It is the mother who heard the commotion and woke up only to find a man in the room” he said.
He noted that the mother alerted other neighbors who helped take the girl to the hospital.
“She had blood oozing from her private parts and the doctors have assured as that she is now stable” noted the county commissioner.

Meanwhile, he said that police have launched a man hunt for the man who is known to residents.

“We have information linking a man who is known in the village to the incident. He is a known drug addict and might be the one who defiled the girl” he said.

Written by James Munyeki